After equalities minister Lynne Featherstone said the government was entitled to introduce same-sex marriages, those opposed to the move have expressed concerns that they could end up married to a gaysexual by accident.
Without God-based guidelines setting out clear rules about marriage only being allowed between a man and a woman, traditionalists fear that the entire country will become one big throbbing orgy of same-sex depravity.
“Unless we keep things exactly as they are then it is only a matter of time before they become different,” insisted concerned traditionalist Colin Dawson.
“If the government introduces same-sex marriages how long will it be before I’m hanging out in gay bars entirely against my will?”
It’s not just men who have expressed concerns about exploring another man’s muscular frame in an entirely involuntary act of dripping homosexuality, with 42 year-old Miriam Foster expressing concerns about becoming embroiled in a steamy lesbian relationship.
“The thought of being finger-diddled by another woman or noshing off Barbara from the post office is something that fills me horror,” she revealed.
“If same-sex marriage is legalised then I could find myself Knee-deep in flange without any say in the matter.”
“If this goes ahead then I might end up viewing WI meetings as wall-to-wall clunge.”
“It’s just not on,” she gagged.