Rupert Murdoch has vowed to ‘keep Sunday special’ when his ground-breaking new paper launches this weekend, with pride of place given to page 3 debutant – 2012 year-old Jesus Christ of Nazareth.
Mindful that Christians are at their most receptive by the end of the week, the new ‘Sun on Sunday’ will cheer up hard-working believers with a cheeky picture of the Son of God, winking and proudly flaunting his nipples.
“It’s just a bit of fun”, explained an accountant for the media mogul. “We’ve not done any research or given it any thought. But we’re pretty sure only an idiot would criticise a pin-up intended to put a smile on Britain’s vicars.”
Murdoch has faced a barrage of criticism from pressure groups, who oppose the exploitation of the popular deity.
“It’s degrading”, declared Sandy Griffiths of protestant protesters ‘Cross!’. “They’re just using Jesus to push their own agenda. That’s something that has definitely never happened before!”
Sun on Sunday
While feminist atheists have welcomed a shift in attention away from the breast area, women worshippers aren’t so sure it’s an improvement.
“An image of Christ, surrounded with his ‘own’ opinions on the tensions with Argentina and Victoria Beckham’s new frocks?”, asked Hilda Gawcott.
“I’m not convinced the editor didn’t just make the whole interview up.”
Murdoch denied he was exploiting the perky 2,000 year-old just to flog some more papers.
“We’re not doing this for a few faith-obsessed loners who enjoy copping an eyeful but haven’t heard of the internet”, claimed the doe-eyed media mogul (26-26-26).
“We’re doing it because some of our readers haven’t complained yet. Only a pervert would find something offensive about an idealised image of a heavenly body.”