Friday 17 February 2012 by Rick Westwell

Relief for fans as Saint James signs sponsorship deal for Newcastle stadium


Saint James Newcastle

Fans of Newcastle United football club have reacted with relief after their stadium’s new sponsor was revealed to be none other than Saint James the Greater, Apostle of Jesus.

Saint James, one of the first disciples to join Jesus and who died in 44 AD, has never previously been connected with the world of soccer, but is keen to spread the word amongst the Geordie faithful.

However any initial misgivings about his suitability as a sponsor were soon put to one side after it was noticed that in a remarkable coincidence, the stadium would be able to retain its original name of “St James’ Park”.

“At first we thought it was a disgrace, changing the traditional name,” explained Toon Talk fanzine editor Steve Wraith.

“We were all set to refuse to call the ground by its new name, until we realised it was actually the same as the old name – what are the chances, eh?”

Saint James’ Park

Saint James himself, speaking through a medium in the Spanish town of Santiago de Compostela, where his remains are held, insisted that the choice of club was pure chance.

“I was always more drawn to Southampton FC, for some reason,” intoned the Apostle.

“I was never sure why. But Newcastle’s got a great beer festival, and I’m a bit of a Dire Straits fan anyway.”

“Also, I’m the only one of the Disciples who was actually a martyr, so supporting Newcastle should come very naturally.”

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