Monday 13 February 2012 by Formelia Alberthine

Criminals unhappy at being treated like Sun journalists


The criminal fraternity have today spoken of their dismay at being treated like members of the Sun’s investigative journalism team.

Arrests have been taking place up and down the country, with accusations that police have been treating those arrested like they’d ‘spent their working life writing made-up words for a tabloid rag’.

Criminal Simon Williams told us, “It’s disgusting, we have rights you know. They bundled us into vans like we were sub-human scum, despite our protests that we’d never listened in to the messages of some of society’s most vulnerable people.”

“I would never do something so low. I draw the line at armed robbery, I’m not a total scumbag.”

Sun arrests

A spokesperson for the criminal community said they hoped that officials would recognise the difference between Sun journalists and normal criminals, and alter their attitudes accordingly.

“Hopefully when people are thinking of throwing a sopping bag of dog piss, they’ll at least think to check for a business card first.”

“We had a mugger beaten to within an inch of his life because a local rumour began that he’d paid a policeman for details of a rape victim, in order to write a ‘200 word tell-all story’ – these things simply can not continue.”

“The sooner these reprobates stop besmirching the good name of this country’s criminals, the better for all of us.”

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