Thursday 9 February 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Penguins condemn ‘early release’ of Orcas


A support group set up to empower victims of orcas has condemned PETA for its ‘idiotic’ attempt to release five known killer whales.

But PETA claims the ‘Seaworld Five’ were imprisoned without a fair trial, and three of the school are now vegetarians.

Speaking from outside the appeal court at Seaworld, Jeremy Fishsmith, a 26 year-old Emperor penguin, had little sympathy for the captives.

“I know what it’s like to be held against your will, I was imprisoned by Mr Popper for over two years”, sighed an emotional Fishsmith.

“But I was innocent. These orcas get a sick thrill when they victimise seals and penguins by eating them. And we’re pretty sure they’ve learned some new tricks, during their time on the inside.”

Orcas released

Orca Brian Dudley claims to be a reformed character, having been weaned off seal blubber one flipper at a time.

“I can assure Mr Fishsmith I’m no longer a threat. These days, I’ll settle for a krill cocktail or a fish-paste sandwich. Vegetarians can still eat fish, right?”

Dudlely explained at length why he is no longer a threat to aquatic society.

“I can’t afford to get into any trouble: Greenpeace have fitted me with a tag.”

A lawyer for the orcas claims the penguins provoked his clients into flipping them in the air and smashing them on rocks, by evolving into seabirds in the first place.

“None of this would have happened if Fishsmith’s family had stuck to their own frozen tundra-based community.”

“When a brightly-coloured penguin starts buzzing your blowhole, is it any wonder that things go a bit ‘Moby’?”

Fishsmith ended his protest early, after receiving a call about another outrage. “Come on lads, we need to get back to the Antarctic. There’s a couple of naked blokes, bumming around on a paedolo.”

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