Thursday 9 February 2012 by Alex Marsh

More pressure on Lansley as health reforms slammed by Okapi


Okapi have come out against the government’s proposed NHS reforms, in a further blow to beleaguered Health Secretary Andrew Lansley.

The African artiodactyla’s intervention in the debate means that all hooved mammals now formally oppose the controversial plans.

They join hospital doctors, general practitioners, nurses, midwives, radiographers, ambulance workers, hospital receptionists, patients, people who are not patients but who might get ill at some point, shop workers, manual workers, transport workers, ornithologists, cat owners, sparrows, migrating geese, unspecified creatures who live in the sea, inanimate objects, sub-atomic particles and molecules, people who work in or shop at Morrisons, architects, dogs, frogs, voles, moles, beetles, The Beatles, Mrs Andrew Lansley, Andrew Lansley’s friends and relations, people who live in the same street as Andrew Lansley and people who do not know Andrew Lansley yet, but who might one day come into some sort of vague contact with him e.g. via a friend on Facebook.

“We are happy that these necessary proposals still command widespread support,” said a government source.

No okapi confidence

“We okapi have no confidence in these plans, and the so-called ‘consultation exercise’ with okapi has been a debacle,” an okapi representative said yesterday.

“We felt it important that foraging mammals of the giraffidae family speak out and send a strong message that these reforms need to be stopped.”

Mr Lansley dismissed the okapi concerns.

“They probably have some form of vested interest somewhere,” he said.

“Besides, I question that this okapi truly represents the opinion of okapi on the ground,” the Health Secretary continued.

“I went to the zoo the other day and an okapi there was very enthusiastic about my ideas. So there.”

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