Wednesday 8 February 2012 by VCG

Britain flushes Argentina’s head down the toilet for snitching to UN


After Argentina confirmed that a formal complaint will be made to the UN over British activities around the Falkland Islands, Britain responded by branding Argentina “a grass” and twisting the South American nation’s nipples, before giving it a wedgie and flushing its head down the toilet.

The British action has been condemned by friends of Argentina, such as Brazil and Chile, but they are rumoured to be considering withdrawing their support after being warned that they could be next, and have already hidden their budget surpluses in their socks, just in case.

“The Falkland Islands are British out of choice. They are free to determine their own future, but if they know what’s good for them then they will stay British”, read a statement from the UK Foreign Office.

Argentina, on the other hand, claims that the Falklands, or Malvinas as they like to call them, are rightfully theirs, and that Britain is a “mean and nasty poohead who took our islands a long time ago”.

“We were outside one day happily playing with our Malvinas, then bigger boys came along, took them off us and pushed us over. We’ve been banging on about it for years but they have refused to give them back, so we’ve been left with no choice but to tell on Britain.”

Analysts have said that the complaint to the UN could potentially lead to Britain being forced to give the islands back, tell Argentina that they are very sorry (with no fingers crossed), and write “I will not take islands that do not belong to me” 100 times on the blackboard.

But Britain has already warned Argentina that, if this happens, they will tell their friend America that Argentina has oil and weapons of mass destruction, and then they will be in big trouble.

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