Disgraced ex-RBS chief Fred Goodwin has reacted to being stripped of his knighthood by saying that he’ll use his massive pay-off and pension to simply pay people to keep calling him ‘Sir Fred’.
“People are really poor these days”, laughed the former banker. “I reckon I could get everyone I meet every day to call me ‘Sir Fred’ for just £20 a pop.”
“Even if I met loads of people in one day, that’s not even going to put a dent in my enormous tax-payer funded pension.”
“I could get the entire population of Chelmsford to say ‘Good morning, Sir Fred’ all at once, and still have loads of my colossal tax-free payoff left. In fact, I might do that.”
Closer to home, Goodwin’s cleaner, Fatima Hernandez, said, “I’m going to keep calling him ‘Sir Fred’ anyway. There’s a terrible recession on and I don’t want to lose my job.”
Goodwin’s gardener, Mike Higgins, agreed. “I might even start calling him Lord Goodwin. Who knows – I might get a bonus.”
The ex-bank boss’s scheme didn’t go entirely to plan, however, when he received a chequebook in his new name of ‘Mr F Goodwin’.
He was heard to angrily remark, “Don’t these idiots know how to run a bank?”