Sunday 29 January 2012 by Spacey

Shock as moron discovered in 45,000 capacity football stadium


Liverpool monkey fan arrested

The world of football has been rocked its very foundations after footage from Saturday’s FA Cup 4th round tie between Liverpool and Manchester United showed one of the 45,000 crowd acting like a complete arsehole.

With football grounds being the last place on earth that people would expect to encounter morons, the footage has sent shockwaves through the football leagues.

“We are extremely concerned that one of the forty-five thousand people that attended the game was seen making racist gestures,” said a police spokesperson.

“We have to assume that as a result of this incident all football fans, players and management are probably racist too.”

“In fact it’s entirely reasonable to suggest that football is just one big racist hate mob chasing a ball around a field.”

Racism arrest

Fans have expressed concerns that stadiums ringing out with songs such as ‘Who ate all the pies?! Who ate all the pies?! Fair enough, I’ll have some chips instead’, could become a thing of the past.

“Football grounds have always been considered a celebration of diversity and tolerance,” said Millwall fan Gary Barnes.

“I remember a few seasons ago there was a fella stood near me who expressed his dissatisfaction at a refereeing decision by suggesting that the referee was unsure of what his role was.”

“Several people within earshot fainted, but I managed to diffuse the situation by highlighting that the referee is only human and these mistakes tend to even themselves out over the course of the season.”

“No-one wants to see that sort of behaviour week in, week out.”

Top 10 football chants that fans now fear could disappear.

  1. We hate stereotypes
  2. The ref is only human
  3. We wholeheartedly endorse the concept of a multicultural society
  4. Where your wife takes it is none of our business.
  5. We don’t feel threatened by homosexuality
  6. With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile, the opposing manager is great at kids parties.
  7. We don’t particularly agree with that substitution, but you’re the boss.
  8. Stand up if you think that women deserve equal pay
  9. Oooooooooooooooooo, great goal kick aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!
  10. If you support same sex marriage clap your hands
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