Thursday 26 January 2012 by Spacey

Britons full of shit, finds study


Telling lies

Research by academics at the University of Essex suggests Britons are a bunch of lying toerags who wouldn’t think twice about bullshitting their way out absolutely any situation.

An online “integrity” study surveyed more than 2000 adults, revealing that lying comes as naturally as sleeping with your wife’s sister and covering it up with a web of untruths.

The survey asked a series of questions centred around what members of the public would do when faced with various moral dilemmas, such as:

What would you do if you found a wallet containing £50?

A. Hand it in at the police station
B. Place an advert in the local paper
c. Get drunk and sleep with your partner’s best mate

Honesty Survey

The results of the survey also highlighted that there is little difference in the intense levels of bullshit that spew of out a woman’s mouth when compared to a man’s.

Professor Paul Whiteley, the study’s author and director of the Essex Centre for the Study of Integrity, said: “There’s virtually nothing to seperate women from men when it comes to being dishonest.”

“In fact, of the 2000 people questioned, an equal number of men and women denied all knowledge of actually taking the survey.”

“We added something at the end that said ‘Thank you for taking the time to complete our survey. If you would like to leave any additional comments, please use the box below’.”

“Some of the comments left included one that said ‘What survey? I don’t know what you’re on about!’ and another read ‘I never touched the survey! I’ve been in the pub with Gavin and Frank all night’.”

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