North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has claimed victory over western intelligence following the blackout of Wikipedia, raising fears that the secretive state may have developed an internet-seeking missile.
The blow has already led to outbreaks of oppressive communist dogma in parts of Surrey, where flabby western minds have finally been freed from the oppressive yokes of western capitalist slavery, according to North Korean news agencies.
With the tools of western propaganda finally blunted, John Lewis has reported a run on green uniforms while many workers have taken to the streets, to toil joyfully in the name of The Great Successor.
Local radio stations are reporting missile parades through market towns across the country, with schoolchildren creating enormous Korean flags by holding coloured sheets of paper above their heads.
Several dogs have been reported missing.
North Korean Wikipedia strike
“For years we have bravely stood against the world wide web of lies”, sang Jong Un, in a voice so beautiful it caused all that heard it to weep.
“But with Wikipedia gone, our enemies can no longer be sure how many of us were right all along.”
“Easy access to Led Zeppelin’s discography, facts about plimsolls or a history of Norwich have been used to control the minds of our inferiors, and make them appear less stupid, when they go off on one in an Internet forum.”
Kim Jong Un has personally hand-written 40 million little books of facts, which will be distributed to feeble westerners by an army of loyal swans.
“All you need to know is written in here, your quest for knowledge is over. See? You didn’t really need an Internet to be happy.”
“Although I wish I’d printed out the page about atomic gas centrifuges.”