Monday 16 January 2012

Gervais disappoints Golden Globes viewers by failing to punch actors in the face


Ricky Gervais disappointed millions of television viewers at last night’s Golden Globes by failing to escalate his abuse of celebrities into the realms of physical assault.

After the 2011 ceremony for which Gervais was criticised for using mean words about obscenely rich people, viewers were expecting Gervais to give the crowd what they desired most, the blood of an actor.

As one viewer explained, “Sure, he was a little cutting last year, and they said he’d be worse this time, so was it really that unfair to expect him to draw blood this year?”

“How hard would it have been to stick a shiv into the ribs of a couple of presenters, or punch one of those child actors in the face?”

“That’s why we were watching, after all.”

Golden Globes

The ceremony itself saw a large number of millionaires receive golden trophies for their ability to play make-believe.

Some viewers spoke of their disappointment at the fact that Gervais hadn’t made anyone cry.

“Look, these people are good-looking, rich, and in a world so far removed from my own they might as well be on another planet.”

“Is it really too much to expect to see them in floods of tears because a guy from Reading ripped out a chunk of their hair and poked fun of their plastic surgery?”

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