Friday 13 January 2012 by Spacey

Evil scientists plot downfall of bacon


Vile propaganda masquerading as scientific research, claiming that bacon is in some way unhealthy, has thrown the future of the delicious meat treat into doubt.

Evil scientists, hellbent on ruining the enjoyment of the heavenly pork product, have sunk to the very depths of inhumanity by claiming that the tastiest food known to humankind can have a negative impact upon the health of anyone indulging in its lusciousness.

So-called researchers from Sweden have claimed that there is a link between eating processed meat, such as bacon or sausages, and cancer of the pancreas, which apparently is a gland organ that sounds ‘a bit made up’ according to our own researcher, Big Dave from Blue’s Cafe.

Anti-bacon strumpet, Prof Susanna Larsson, who conducted the study, claims that the risk of contracting the alledged disease far outweighs both bacon’s versatility and its ability to be enjoyed at any time of the day.

“Bacon may be something that can be added to a number of dishes or simply enjoyed in a sandwich, but considering that pancreatic cancer has poor survival rates, people need to ask themselves whether they should look at alternatives,” she bizarrely claimed.

Bacon still fabulous

Bacon-lovers have expressed their concerns that the research is flawed and is merely a conspiracy being waged by callous muesli-peddlers, with some claiming that a diet of processed meat is the secret to their longevity.

“I have a fry-up every morning and it’s never done me any harm,” revealed grease enthusiast Brian Hendry.

“My doctor has told me that there’s no reason I can’t live for another 5 or 10 years,” added the 27 year-old triumphantly.

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