Friday 6 January 2012 by Spacey

Over 45s become obsolete


The age at which people are considered to no longer serve any useful purpose should be decreased to 45, according to a study by the British Medical Journal.

The study concluded that brain function starts to decline from the age of 45, causing people to repeat what they said two minutes previously, smell a bit uriney and to stop suddenly when walking through busy shopping centres.

Previous research had suggested that cognitive decline does not begin much before the age of 60, but the new study suggests that a longing for the ‘good old days’ can occur much earlier.

The over 45s have dismissed the study as ‘new-fangled nonsense’, with 47 year-old Peter Eastoe insisting foreigners are to blame.

“This kind of research never would have happened in my day,’ he said.

“It’s all gone downhill since those immigrants moved in up the street. They come over here nicking our memories.”

“This kind of research never would have happened in my day.”

Brain decline

Professor Archana Singh-Manoux who led the research team at University College London, said that simple lifestyle changes could halt the brains decline into ill-informed racism.

“People should avoid certain foods in order to maintain a healthy mind,” he revealed.

“Tinned biscuit selections should be avoided if possible, in particular ones that contain shortbread.”

“It would also be advisable to avoid using certain phrases such as ‘I read it in the Daily Mail’ if you want to continue being taken seriously.”

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