Saturday 31 December 2011

Helena Bonham Carter recognised for services to getting your partner to put you in all his films


Actress Helena Bonham Carter has been awarded a CBE in the New Year’s Honours list for her tireless dedication to proving what can be achieved when your husband puts you in all of his films.

The actress has been recognised as a shining example to modern women everywhere of what can be achieved when you make your man do what you want.

A spokesperson for the queen said, “Helena Bonham Carter has shown dedication beyond the call of duty in ensuring her career gets the maximum benefit of being in a relationship with a well respected film maker.”

“There are hundreds of talented actresses, but very few have been able to get to the top with quite the guile and panache of Bonham Carter.”

“She truly is an inspiration to what can be achieved if you sleep with the right people.”

Bonham Carter CBE

Other people recognised in the New Year’s honours include people good at hitting small balls with sticks and people who used to drive quite quickly.

A spokesperson for the palace told reporters, “Truly this is a bumper year in the recognition of people who do outwardly ridiculous things that they really enjoy whilst also earning them vast amounts of money.”

“If we can’t celebrate these people, then who can we celebrate?”

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