Wednesday 28 December 2011

Pyongyang denies use of special effects as Kim Jong Il’s hearse flies into heavens


Pyongyang officials have moved to deny the use of special effects after the state funeral for former North Korean leader Kim Jong Il concluded with his hearse flying into the sky above the city.

With Kim Jong Il well-known for his feats of super-human ability, the government claimed that his coffin flying into the heavens is merely the latest in a long line of miracles performed by the ‘Dear Leader’.

“It does not surprise us that his immortal spirit enabled him fly the car into the sky, this is a man who scored four holes in one on his first ever round of golf, remember.”

“He is a God amongst and you should certainly not look too closely at the footage of the car in the sky.”

Eye witness reports confirmed the images sent by the national television station, with one young soldier telling reporters in stilted English, “I saw it fly into the sky with my own eyes and my family are perfectly safe thank you very much.”

Another weeping mourner told us, “I am crying because I am terribly sad, and not because the least convincing cryers will ‘disappear’ at some point during the service – bwahhhh!”

Kim Jong Il funeral

Other North Korean military officials have reported that the sky was filled with the vision of a big white man in a beard who got off his chair in order to make way for the recently deceased leader.

As one tearful explained, “It was a beautiful moment, and one we had been expecting – we were sure that the bloke in the dress was just keeping his seat warm anyway.”

New leader Kim Jong Un said he would be available for comment as soon as he finished the current level o Modern Warfare 3 on his Xbox 360.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: