Friday 23 December 2011 by JohnnyBeelzebub

Our turkeys are made from 100% kebab meat, insist Iceland


Iceland has moved to alleviate concerns regarding their turkeys by insisting that they are made from the purest doner kebab meat.

The retailer had faced criticism last year after their birds were revealed to be 60% water and only 40% bone.

In response, the recipe has now been adjusted to suit their customers’ very particular tastes.

“I can say with complete confidence that every turkey on our shelves has been made with pure doner meat from the finest reconsituted roadkill,” revealed a spokesperson for the supermarket group.

“Squirrel, fox, badger, otter – our customers won’t know what’s inside until they open it, just like a Christmas cracker.”

Iceland Turkeys

As result of the recipe change. cooking guidelines have been revised for the new ‘Christmas Turkey-babs’.

“Grilling sporadically on a vertical rotating spit for at least three days should achieve that distinctive alien texture and unmistakable coating of salty ectoplasm.” continued the spokesperson.

However critics have warned potential consumers to always read the ingredients label.

One told us, “It’s there in black and white: ‘May contain nuts (of various creatures).”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: