Monday 19 December 2011

Nation collectively vomits at thought of Krankies swingers parties


The nation collectively made sick come out of its nose this morning, after reports emerged of the swinging past of comedy duo the Krankies.

The pair admitted in a radio interview that they would regularly do the sorts of things we are unable to bring ourselves to type on the page.

Former fan Simon Williams told us, “It was a dark day when I learned that Jimmy Krankie was actually a middle-aged woman, but that’s nothing compared to the horrific image created by this news of her throwing it about at a swingers party.”

“Just the thought of her screaming fan-dabi-dozy on the lap of a bored suburban accountant looking for a cheap thrill fills my mouth with vomit.”

“She wouldn’t have worn the outfit, would she?”

Krankies swinging past

Others have defended the couple, insisting that it’s perfectly natural to want to experiment in your sex life and that the only strange thing about this situation is that they took it onto the stage to entertain children.

Critic Mike Matthews said, “Part of me can’t help now wondering if their entire act came about after being caught in the act by a surprise visitor to their home?”

“I can imagine Ian saying, ‘I bet you’re wondering why Jeannette is dressed like a pre-pubescent school boy, well, it’s for a new act we’re trying – isn’t that right Jeannette?’.”

“Of course, they’re stuck with it then. I’m sure there were times they wanted to come clean, what with all that terrible material, but it was simply too late to admit the truth.”

“It would have been far less painful for us all if he’d just admitted that he likes his wife to dress up as a schoolboy so he can be properly aroused during sex.”

“Selfish bastard.”

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