Monday 12 December 2011 by JohnnyBeelzebub

Anelka learning how to sulk in Chinese


After agreeing a move from Chelsea to some club in China, Nicolas Anelka is learning to sulk in Mandarin.

The journeyman striker is not only French but Parisian and has successfully translated the strops of his native city into English, Spanish and even Scouse.

Anelka signed his latest contract yesterday and was immediately unhappy that the pen used had not been filled with invisible ink.

Body language barrier

“Unfortunately, his new employers didn’t understand because he was sulking in Cockney,” his brother and agent admitted.

“So Nicolas has realised that he must learn to communicate using the Shanghai shrug and the Tiananmen Square tantrum.”

“He just wants to let them know that the terms of the deal might not look so appealing when the ink is actually dry or when they actually come into effect next month.”

“I’m sure it won’t be long before fans see him sulking like he has had his human rights violated, Chinese-style.”

Anelka will arrive at some club in China after ruining Christmas for his family.

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