Friday 9 December 2011

Alex Ferguson to advise David Cameron on European exits that delight a nation


Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson is to advise David Cameron on the best way to leave Europe whilst simultaneously delighting the vast majority of people who watch you doing it.

After vetoing the latest EU bill, Cameron has come under some criticism for putting the banks ahead of EU stability, and has called in Sir Alex Ferguson to make his European exit seem much more palatable.

A Whitehall insider explained, “Manchester United went out of Europe on Wednesday, yet the whole country was smiling whilst they did it.  Simply put, David wants some of that.”

“He wants to back out, and have the whole country behind him laughing whilst he does so. And who better to help you with that than Manchester United?”

European exit

Experts have said the governments move is a good one, and that if there was one organisation as universally unpopular as the coalition government, it was Manchester United.

A Manchester United spokesperson said, “Sir Alex’s first words were, ‘you need to make everyone think you believe you’re absolutely entitled to be in Europe’ – that will amplify any sense of  schadenfreude when you leave’.”

“That’s really good advice, I’m sure you’ll agree.”

“If Manchester United had wanted to be out of Europe, then I’m sure you can imagine how disappointed people would have been that they were out of Europe.”

“As it is, most people are still laughing two days later.”

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