Wednesday 7 December 2011 by Waylandsmithy

Prince Harry apologises for throwing bottle of piss during Gary Barlow gig


Royal ‘bad boy’ Prince Harry was forced to make an embarrassing apology last night, after hurling a bottle of urine at a surprised Gary Barlow.

Harry claimed he was offering the erstwhile dancer some constructive criticism, but admitted he ‘overstepped the mark’ after demanding his butlers join in.

Gary Barlow was performing at the exclusive gig alongside several stars who excel at mouthing the words to other people’s songs.

The royals are known for their charity work, often pretending to tolerate moronic crap for good causes.

“To start with, the gig seemed to be going well”, explained Marmaduke Horsche, a palace insider.

“Kate Middleton did a really convincing job of whooping and waving her fist in big circles when Barlow came on stage. Wills got a little carried away too, announcing that he wouldn’t mind listening to his brand of mindless, generic cack as loud as possible.”

“That really seemed to encourage the little prole, he shouted excitedly to someone off stage to turn the backing tapes up to six and half. Clearly, he wanted to give the audience a truly bland performance that would never be remembered.”

Harry drunk

But Horsche thinks Harry’s attempt to imitate a young, male music fan was outdated, even for a fan forced by their girlfriend to listen to tedious, formulaic ballads.

“In hindsight, the briefing for this event was all wrong, the Leeds Festival DVD in particular was a mistake.”

Harry had done his homework. After diligently drank two litres of cider he’d wrestled off a tramp, Harry single-handedly booed three X Factor contestants from the stage, before leading a chant of ‘Dermot O’Leary’s a c**t’.

“I was a bit baffled that Harry wouldn’t let me take away his empties”, admitted Horsche. “But when the bottles of cloudy liquid started to rain on to the stage, it suddenly clicked. Harry was under the impression he’d come to see real musicians.”

Horsche hopes the matter can be cleared up quickly, and promised that Harry will behave himself next time that he watches someone pretending to be good at karaoke.

“We’ll ask him to study something safer and more ‘establishment’, so he can get used to watching boring performances as part of an audience with low expectations.”

“In future, we’ll make him watch the BBC’s Glastonbury coverage.”

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