Tuesday 6 December 2011 by Spacey

Concentrate on the Bible’s angry vengeance stuff instead of that hippy shit, public tells Archbishop


After the Archbishop of Canterbury said that England risks fresh rioting unless more is done to rescue young people, the public have told him to focus more on the Bible’s ‘lake of fire’ and retribution stuff instead of all that forgiveness and understanding hippy bullshit.

In a Guardian article, Dr Rowan Williams urged ministers and society to reach out to alienated youths, but conveniently forgot to mention anything about God weilding a wrathful smiting stick of punishment.

“Dr Williams’ comments just go to show how completely out of touch the church is with the public’s need for over the top retribution,” said one red-faced member of an angry mob.

“I would like to see how forgiving they would be if it had been gays breaking into clinics and carrying out abortions on wayward nuns.”

“Yeah, it could happen.”

Church urges rioter forgiveness

In a separate article for the Christmas issue of the Radio Times, Dr Williams pondered the questions raised on a banner slogan at the St Pauls’s Cathedral protest that read “What would Jesus do?”

He said Jesus would have asked “awkward” questions of campaigners, bankers and clergy.

The comment provoked further anger amongst the public, with one telling us:

“We’re all asking awkward questions! The trouble is that no-one seems to be giving us any answers.”

“The son of God is supposed to be able to guide us through difficult times like these, but according to Dr Williams he’s just Jeremy fucking Paxman in sandals!”

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