Friday 2 December 2011

New sanctions to leave Iran’s wrists red raw


Iranian authorities have reacted to the threat of new sanctions from the International community by ordering a few tubes of Ibuprofen gel and some Sudacrem.

After preventing an attack on the UK embassasy, and continually acting like a bit of a dick, Iran is likely to see a prolonged period on the International naughty step.

“We’re talking about weekend groundings, and the removal of all Internet privileges,” said a US Senate representative after voting to see Iran heavily chastised.

“If they want to act like a childish nation, then we simply have to treat them like a childish nation. It’s the adult thing to do.”

“No-one enjoys telling someone they can’t play with their friends this weekend, but what choice do we have?”

Iranian sanctions

Iranian officials have reacted angrily to the new sanctions, but remained defiant upon hearing their details.

A spokesperson said, “Why do you hate us so much, it’s like your literally just trying to ruin our lives. What’s wrong with you?”

“But whatever, we don’t even care about your sanctions and stuff, as our friend Asif in Syria said he’d sneak whatever we needed in through our bedroom window – so there.”

“And when you get old, we’re definitely putting you in a shitty home.”

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