Thursday 1 December 2011

Striking workers make Jeremy Clarkson counter offer of sword fight to the death


After Jeremy Clarkson said he would happily see them shot in the street, striking workers have made an interesting counter offer to the BBC employee – a sword-fight to the death at a location of his choosing.

The move comes after Clarkson behaved exactly as expected by saying something offensive on television, resulting in a knee-jerk reaction from people who clearly don’t know who Jeremy Clarkson actually is.

Striking teacher Mike Williams told us, “I’m serious. Long swords at dawn – he can bring a camera crew if he really wants to.”

Television owner Shane Michaels said, “It’s an interesting offer, certainly, and one I hope Clarkson considers.”

“I have no real fondness for either party, and this would go a long way to satisfying the bloodlust that takes over every time X Factor comes on the television.”

“It’s definitely to the death death, right?”

Clarkson again

Experts have said that being annoyed by the stupid things that Jeremy Clarkson says is like being annoyed because your baby shits in its nappy.

Media analyst Sheila Hughes explained, “It’s a DNA thing, he’s genetically pre-disposed to say offensive things that get him in the papers just as he has a new book out.  He can’t help it.”

Teacher Mike Williams concluded, “We’re surprised that as a publicly funded employee himself he doesn’t seem to be able to grasp the concept behind our protest.”

“It’s almost as if he’s delusionally happy earning hundreds of thousands of pounds of tax payer’s money for driving around in nice cars and blowing up stuff.”

“We have absolutely no idea why this would be the case.”

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