Friday 18 November 2011 by Spacey

Only MPs and drug dealers are opposed to the decriminalisation of drugs, reveals everyone


After ex-MI5 chief Baroness Manningham-Buller called for cannabis to be decriminalised it was revealed that the only people who are still opposed to such a move are MPs and drug dealers.

Despite Lady Manningham-Butler’s pro-legalisation stance, MPs and drug dealers remain united in their opposition to the move.

Her speech forms part of a two-day parliamentary conference on ignoring the drug problem in the hope that it will go away.

Lady Manningham-Buller joins a growing list of virtually everyone who have urged the case for legalising some drugs, including Dame Judi Dench, Sting, Sir Richard Branson, former senior police officers, my mum, that bloke you sat next to on the bus this morning and the woman who you nearly bumped into at Asda last night.

Decriminalisation of cannabis

However, Chip Somers of the drug treatment group Focus 12 insisted that decriminalising cannabis would cause the entire country to collapse into the sea.

“I don’t want the person driving the train I’m on to have just had a joint thank you very much,” he said.

“I am reassured by the fact that drugs are illegal because if something is illegal then it ensures that it doesn’t actually happen.”

“If you legalise and regulate the sale of cannabis then it will just lead to a reduction in prison numbers, fewer gangs and an increase in tax revenue, and, erm, errr, then where would we be?”

Home Secretary Theresa May said: “We all know the stories about the dope smoker who ate his own weight in kittens because, and I am not making this up, he had the crunchies.

“If you legalise cannabis then before you know it people will be sniffing crack, and I don’t think anyone wants to see our streets crawling with flesh-eating crack sniffers.”

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