Tuesday 15 November 2011

Downing Street cat blames previous Labour government’s rodent policy


After several mice were spotted at 10 Downing Street, Larry the resident mouse catcher has responded to critics by laying the blame squarely the chronic lack of investment in rodent management by the previous Labour government.

Mice have been seen in cabinet meetings, and even when the prime minister is hosting foreign dignitaries, leading to calls for Larry the cat to resign.

A spokesperson for the cat said, “We recognise we are not where we want to be with regards to the downing street rodent population, but progress has been made.”

“The property’s borders were not secure and it’s only now we are seeing the full extent of the rodent population after years of coming and going as they please.”

“After thirteen years of Labour rule it will take time for our policies to bear fruit, and if you look at the numerous mouse carcasses in the back garden you can clearly see the green shoots of recovery.”

“Our predatory drive remains as strong a the day we took power, and Larry is working hard every day to meet our election promise of a rodent-free prime ministerial residence.”

Downing Street Cat

Whitehall insiders have defended Larry, claiming his task is far more challenging than those facing ministers with easier portfolios to manage.

As one source explained, “This is as much a cultural change as it is a rodent problem, and you can’t expect everything to become rosy overnight.”

“For many years these mice have had it easy, living on handouts from Labour, and rarely feeling like they had to work to survive – they keep coming back thinking this residence owes them a living, but that’s all changing now.”

“Larry is extremely talented, and if he were hounded out of his position by headline seeking hacks then it would be a crying shame.”

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