Monday 14 November 2011 by Waylandsmithy

Facebook to ask permission before tattooing people as they sleep


Facebook has surprised its critics by no longer assuming that subscribers agree with changes made to their terms and conditions, and will actively seek permission before tattooing members with adverts as they sleep.

Facebook has previously been criticised for adding a clause that allows them to wake account holders with powerful torches in the dead of night.

“A lot of people pay too much attention to all this legal mumbo jumbo”, complained Mike Hengiss, Facebook’s marketing director.

“They’re only theoretical powers, put in to protect us if we accidentally find ourselves in your house in the early hours, rummaging through your cupboards.”

Campaigners were quick to criticize this change to Facebook’s privacy policy. “People realise that Facebook needs to make money”, said Geoff Horton, an empty-profiled campaigner.

“But assuming your customers agree to ‘aggravated burglary’? Some of us thought they were taking us for granted.”

Facebook privacy changes

Advertisers are constantly looking for new ways to reach out to consumers, but Facebook are very careful to balance the legal rights of their customers with an unquenchable greed for money.

“When we were approached with the idea of permanently tattooing end users with catchy slogans, we thought ‘is this going too far?'”, admitted Hengiss.

“Most of our users had already sort of agreed that we could root through their bins or borrow their cars at weekends. In a way, this was exactly the same.”

“But just to assure people that we’re a friendly company, our lawyers suggested that we wait until a customer has accidentally clicked on one of our legally-binding links.”

So far, surprisingly few people have complained at waking up to find their face heavily tattooed with advertising slogans or 2-for-1 offers.

“I do vaguely remember clicking on or around an ‘I accept’ button”, admitted Dave Flint, a postman with ink that has boosted Groupon’s profile by 34% in his postcode.

“My wife thinks I should complain or maybe even delete my account. But I can’t do that. Facebook has really got under my skin.”

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