Friday 11 November 2011

Mafia issues strenuous News International denial


Mafia syndicates across the world have this morning issued strenuous denials of an allegation by Tom Watson MP that they operate like News International.

Watson made the accusation whilst questioning the CEO of News Corporation, James Murdoch, during yesterdays inquiry into the hacking scandal.

The denial was placed under the pillows of editors across the world overnight, and reads, “We operate a code of honour that precludes us from ever becoming embroiled in something as sordid as tabloid journalism.”

“Yes, we would happily put you in cement boots at the bottom of the river over an unpaid debt – but deleting the messages of a murdered school girl? What do you think we are? Monsters?”

“If you’ve been visited by the mafia you definitely know about it. We don’t hide in the shadows like morally bankrupt cowards.”

Mafia accusation

The lucky few who have escaped a life in News International insist the latest MP inquiry will not go unavenged.

A former employee of the news group who wished to remain nameless, told us, “We used to have a saying, ‘You send one of ours to a government inquiry, we send one of yours to the front page’.”

“This sort of escalation is inevitable, they simply won’t back down.”

“Before the year is out I guarantee there will be at least one bloodied and battered career laid bare before the nation across their pages.”

“If I was Tom Watson, I’d be very worried indeed.”

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