Thursday 10 November 2011

Newcastle United rename stadium the ‘Mike Ashley Plaything Arena’


Newcastle United football club have taken an important step towards complete laughing-stock status by renaming their stadium the ‘Mike Ashley Plaything Arena’.

The move is said to be a temporary measure whilst owner Mike Ashley seeks businesses willing to pay to have their name pointed at by fifty thousand angry Geordies every other week.

Ashley told reporters, “The Mike Ashley Plaything Arena offers businesses a unique opportunity to annoy hundreds of thousands of north-east residents.”

“Plastering your name all over something they consider to be iconic will ensure they all know exactly who you are.  Trust me, I know this better than anyone.”

St James’ Park gone

Club officials have also announced that fan group the ‘Toon Army’ are the subject of another exciting sponsorship opportunity, but will be renamed the ‘Mike Ashley Kiddlywinks’ until a sponsor is found.

“This is the perfect opportunity to have your brand name carried to other football clubs around the country by thousands of intimidating overweight topless men in their forties.”

Though no paying sponsor has yet been found for the stadium, early reports suggest that Sunderland fans having a whip round to call it the “bum gays laughing stock stadium”

Sunderland season-ticker holder Simon Williams told us, “We’ve talked about it, and if they think that sounds a bit homophobic then we’ll settle for ‘Shower of Shite Fields’.

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