X Factor contestant Frankie Cocozza has been axed from the seemingly endless parade of tedious wannabes just as it seemed he was on the verge of doing something interesting.
Rumours abound that his axing is due to the use of drugs, which viewers have already insisted could only make the X Factor experience more palatable.
Television owner Simon Matthews told us, “Like most rational people, I’ve never watched X Factor, and have no idea who Frankie Cocozza is.”
“But if you’re asking me if I would have tuned in on Saturday night to watch a coked-up teenager fluffing his lines before screaming at the camera, then the answer is yes, I absolutely definitely would.”
“In fact, I can’t think of a single thing I would rather watch than a gibbering drug-addled STD-ridden hipster diving headlong at Gary Barlow’s throat. It sounds amazing.”
Franki Cocozza axed from X Factor
Fans of the show have reacted with disgust at the decision to remove someone described by teenage girls as ‘fit’ simply because he got the pop-star drug-addict succession the wrong way round.
An X Factor spokesperson defended the move, telling reporters, “We don’t condone the use of drugs until you’ve had a few number one hit singles.”
“Then you can inject them into your eyeballs for all we care.”
Long time fan of the show Sharon Davidson told us, “This is a massive mistake by ITV and Simon Cowell.”
“Rather than axe him, they should have put everyone on drugs, starting with Louis Walsh.”
“I genuinely believe he’s a wrap of speed away from murdering someone live on television.”