Tuesday 8 November 2011 by Gary Stanton

Daily Mail readers offered PTSD treatment after latest immigration blunder


Daily Mail readers were last night offered post-traumatic stress disorder treatment after Theresa May admitted she ‘hasn’t a fucking clue’ how many foreigners she has allowed into the country.

The ‘toxic tsunami of unchecked immigration’ was drawn to light when a Yemeni national with a passport bearing the name Donald Duck strolled past Heathrow Customs with a wheelbarrow full of Semtex.

Reports claim he was accompanied by Goofy, Mickey Mouse and Sean The Sheep.

The Mail insists that only Mickey’s passport was given a cursory glance after an official remarked that his ears didn’t look quite right.

Immigration confession

On Monday, home secretary Theresa May admitted she had authorised officials at the agency to relax procedures on anyone answering to the name of Goofy or Donald Duck, but claims checks on Sean The Sheep were scaled back further without ministerial approval.

The latest blunder has left many Mail readers, who are already suffering after years of fresh immigration under Labour, reaching for the vodka and Paracetamol.

Those Mail Readers of a conspiratorial bent suspect the immigrant-loving Home Secretary may have acted out of spite against David Cameron after a purchase of Dolce & Gabana shoes went largely unnoticed by the PM.

Graham1345, a patriotic Portugal-based Mail reader who is planning to swallow bleach and club himself unconscious with a hammer, said “This is incompetence on a grand scale. A simple fingerprint check would have revealed that Donald Duck had webbed feet.”

And Penny4uk_reich who favours the ‘East 17 leaving your car in gear and reversing over yourself ’ method of self-immolation said “Donald Duck, Goofy – you couldn’t make it up! What next – Snow White?”

Penny added, “Mind you -Snow White. Doesn’t sound too bad does she?”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)

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