Monday 31 October 2011

Npower fined £2m for not giving the tiniest shit how unhappy you are


Utility provider Npower has been fined £2m for continually posting your complaints to the office notice-board for all the staff to laugh at.

Ofgem said Npower has not been taking customer complaints seriously, after it realised that the sort of people who phone to complain about Npower really aren’t worth bothering about.

An Ofgem spokesperson said, “£2m is a significant punishment for a company that makes £300m in profit in just six months. Oh yes it is.”

Npower have reacted with complete indifference to the fine, pinning the notice from Ofgem next to a letter from Simon Matthews complaining that they’ve got her on the wrong tariff, and an email from Dave in Accounts containing a load of Jimmy Savile jokes.

A spokesperson said, “What you have to remember is that with all the money we’re making, your individual problem is about four or five levels below the internal negotiations over the tea-making rota.”

“If a £2m fine makes everyone feel better about this, then great. Book us in for the same again next year.”

Npower fined £2m

Customers have said they hope that the fine will at last get the energy supplier to begin feigning interest in their complaints.

Margaret Trollope told us, “I called last week to tell them they’d got my bill wrong, but halfway through my complaint the person I was speaking to let out a massive yawn.”

“Apparently my issue was ‘tedious’ and I should really try harder to make it interesting if I want an entire minute of their attention.”

“Do you know where I can buy a gun?”

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