David Cameron insisted there was no bitterness towards the MPs who voted against him in the EU referendum debate, insisting he would set about destroying their careers in an entirely jovial fashion.
Despite a three-line whip, 81 Conservative MPs still chose to vote against the government, a move which Cameron described as “rather brave when you think about it.”
“I’m not one for simmering bitterness, that doesn’t get you anywhere. I’m a man of action, and the action I plan to take is to systematically destroy the very fabric of the careers they’ve spent their lives building.”
“I will do it quickly, I will do it efficiently, but above all, I will do it with a smile on my face.”
Cameron backbench rebellion
Whitehall insiders have confirmed that the Prime Minister has already begun the process of dismantling the reputations and mental fortitude of those who voted against him.
“They all got a box of chocolates with the message, ‘I hope you enjoyed your little vote, Love David’. The more you think about it, the more terrifying it becomes.”
“I guarantee that by the end of the month there’ll be backbenchers pleading for a bullet to the back of the skull just to put an end to the torture.”
“Let this be a lesson to all backbenchers, when the prime minister wants your opinion on something, he’ll give you one.”