Monday 24 October 2011

Everyone suddenly a lip-reading expert


John Terry accused of racist abuse via lip reading

Sensing an opportunity to add weight to the argument that Chelsea captain John Terry is a prick, everyone is suddenly a qualified lip-reader, it emerged last night.

Terry was seen screaming in the direction of QPR’s Anton Ferdinand, though replays are inconclusive as to the exact words used, unless of course you’re now an expert in that sort of thing.

QPR fan Trevor Colthart told us, “It’s clear as day, he’s quite obviously mouthing ‘I will impregnate your lady friend’ – and I only hope the FA throw the book at him, or at least his genitals.”

Armchair supporter Dave Smith told us, “I’ve watched it a few times, and I’m pretty sure he’s saying ‘Two grand for a personal tour of Stamford Bridge’ – which makes much more sense to me.”

“Though from the other angle it does look like ‘My Dad will do you a good deal if you buy a kilo’.  So who knows what he actually said?”

Terry accused of racist abuse

Chelsea supporter’s have backed their captain, with one explaining, “Just because he’s a lying philanderer from a family of criminals and with a track record of taking cash bungs doesn’t make him a racist.”

“If anything, he’s probably too busy being morally reprehensible to even notice the colour of the skin of the people he regularly abuses.”

We contacted lip-reading expert Margaret Willows, who told us, “You called me up because a footballer said something mean to another footballer? Dear God, give me strength.”

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