Monday 24 October 2011

Blackpool urged to build decomposing dictator attraction


In order to improve its international appeal and address its lack of visitors from abroad, Blackpool’s tourist board has been urged to build a new decomposing dictator attraction.

After seeing hundreds of Libyans queueing to see Colonel Gadaffi’s body, Blackpool’s authorities couldn’t help but wonder how much candy floss you could sell to them whilst they’re waiting.

Blackpool council spokesperson Miriam Williams told us, “We get precisely zero international visitors, despite being the Las Vegas of the Lancastrian coastal region – and we want to address that.”

“What better way to draw in hordes of foreigners than by offering them a glimpse at the freshly-brutalised remains of a former dictator?”

“It’s in the early stages, but we’ve already got some feelers out to see if we can get hold of Bashar al-Assad when Syria falls.”

“We have a dream, a dream that one day Blackpool will become the globally-renowned home of donkey rides and chilled cadavers.”

Blackpool’s international appeal

Visitors to Blackpool welcomed the idea, claiming it would add a bit of international glamour to the whole experience.

15 year-old Simon Davies told us, “If the choice is an afternoon in the arcades, or seeing a real dead person, then show me the body!”

Holiday maker Steve Matthews told us, “I’m never going to see anything like this abroad, I mean, I’m on holiday in Blackpool in October – so I’d love to get one of those vastly overpriced photos of me walking past a rotting body whilst pulling a funny face.”

“Could you make it so it looks like he’s sat next to me on the Big One?”

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