Thursday 20 October 2011 by Waylandsmithy

Public accuses NHS of using taxis ‘like ambulances’


People across the UK have slammed NHS bosses for treating taxi services ‘like ambulances’ and diverting important resources away from people who are in desperate need for a lift back from the pub, or a trip through the McDonalds Drive-thru.

Over £30 million has been spent by the NHS on taxis, according to a new report, leaving potentially millions of members of the public with no choice but to use ‘public transport’.

“Taxis and their highly trained drivers are an expensive resource, and shouldn’t be abused in this way”, claimed Simon Griffin, a commuter from Surrey.

“How am I meant to get a cab to take me the four miles back to my house, when some joker with a broken hip is clogging up the system?”

“These vehicles are meant to allow people like me avoid travelling by bus, not for transferring patients between medical facilities.”

NHS taxi bill

Some taxi users claim that they have been put at risk by the NHS.

“I got in a black cab at Euston”, explained Sheila Croft. “The driver apologised for the mess, and said he’d just finished delivering some grannies to a day care centre.”

“The smell of lavender was overwhelming and judging by all the discarded scissors and dropped stitches, they’d been knitting. I was horrified, especially when I nearly sat on a needle.”

But this is just the tip of the iceberg. Jeremy Thwaite is sueing his hospital trust, after a journey to pick up the dry cleaning went horribly wrong. “I’d been working nights, and was really tired. When the driver started gassing, I nodded off.”

When I woke up I was in hospital, recovering from replacement patella surgery. The taxi controller had confused my cab with a patient’s, the whole system is awfully hackneyed.”

The NHS has defended the decision, claiming that taxis help the NHS hit important targets.

A spokesperson said, “No matter what the emergency, or where it is, whenever we call for a taxi they assure us they’re never more than five minutes away.”

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