Friday 14 October 2011

Rooney still trying to count how many games he’ll miss


England striker Wayne Rooney spent last night hopelessly trying to count the number of games he will miss at the Euro 2012 championships next summer.

Rooney, banned for an amount of games that is more than two but less than four, became frustrated shortly before midnight after failing the grasp the significance of his ban.

A family insider told us, “We told him how many it was, but he kept looking at his hands and moving a few of his fingers, before throwing something at the wall.”

“We asked him, ‘If you miss the first game, and the next game, and then one another game, how many is that?’- he told us ‘five’.”

“Right now he’s got his two thumbs extended and keeps looking between them and us with a mixture of confusion and hopefulness, he looks like an educationally-challenged Fonzie.”

Rooney banned

Some England fans have welcomed the Rooney ban, insisting that it means England’s group games can now carry a PG rating.

England fan club member Simon Williams told us, “I’m not too disappointed, without the risk of an on-pitch Rooney outburst it means I can watch it with my kids whilst they listen to me utter some highly creative invectives.”

However others have insisted that Fabio Capello should still definitely include Rooney in the squad, despite the fact he might not be able to play until England are out.

One such fan told us, “Right now Emile Heskey is considering coming out of international retirement, so for God’s sake Fabio, please pick Rooney.”

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