The new version of the Facebook iPhone app has dramatically improved the social lives of iPhone owners, by crashing their devices and forcing them to actually talk to other human beings.
The new version was released last night in what Facebook are calling a “back to basics move designed to help people rediscover the concept of tangible human relationships”.
A Facebook spokesperson said, “The new Facebook iPhone app, which essentially shows the Facebook logo and an endlessly spinning timer, renders the device unusable, leaving owners with little choice but to engage in direct conversations with other human beings using vocal chords and eye contact.”
“It’s a throwback to what social networking used to be, and we’re obviously delighted to see so many of our users embracing it.”
Facebook iPhone app crashing
The new version has left users frustrated at its incompatibility with other human beings, with many claiming that the updated ‘poking’ feature involving a finger and another human being fails to elicit the desired response.
iPhone Facebook user Sally Williams told us, “There’s a guy who sits at the next desk to me. I just ‘spoke’ to him, and apparently his name is Dave and he’s married with two kids. I forget their names, but he showed me a picture of them – from his wallet. I know! Mental isn’t it?”
“I think I might learn to like the new version, though I’m not really sure how I feel about having a friends list restricted to people that I can actually see right at this moment.”
“Also, the photo feature needs work. I just spent twenty minutes holding up photos from my weekend but I didn’t get any ‘likes’, and the only comment was ‘piss off Sally I’m trying to do some work here’.”
“I think it’s probably a learning experience for us all.”