Wednesday 5 October 2011

UK economy now stretching the very definition of the word ‘growth’


As the UK economic growth figures were revised down to 0.1% between April and June, linguists have warned that the definition of the word ‘growth’ might itself need to be revised.

The UK economy got bigger by the smallest amount possible without reverting to three significant figures, prompting calls for a new word to describe the ‘improvements’ in the economy.

Economics analyst and linguistics enthusiast Simon Williams told us, “Growth of 0.1% would see you referred to a gene specialist if you were a small child – in fact, the only time growth of this level should be celebrated is if you’re referring to a tumor.”

“But then ‘stagnant’ is a such a negative word, in the same way growth is far too positive.  We need something in between, and I was thinking of ‘Mufft’ – as it sounds like something was about to start but then ground to a halt all too briefly.”

“Plus I’ve already bought the domain name.”

UK growth revised to ‘pathetic’

Consumer Mike Smith told us, “I heard on the radio this morning that if I’d not bought a kebab on the way home after that summer barbecue in June we would now officially be in recession.”

“So if my missus asks why I’m now eating them a couple of times a week you need to explain to her that it’s a key part of the government’s economic recovery plan.”

“Promise me you’ll say that.”

 

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