Wednesday 5 October 2011 by Spacey

Tesco are bastards, but we’ll still shop there, insists everyone


After Tesco announced a 12.1% rise in half-year profits, everyone has revealed how much they hate the supermarket behemoth, but not enough to stop shopping there.

Anger and accusations of profiteering have been directed at the retailer from customers who appear to be hypnotised by the convenience of the stores locations and price of the things they sell.

One shopper said, “How dare they make shopping so convenient, and apply all that pressure to small suppliers so I can get two-for-one on all these things I wouldn’t normally buy.”

Tesco have hit back at the criticism, and insisted that they are doing a number of things to help their customers during the current economic crisis.”

“We are always looking at introducing special offers to help households that are shopping on a tight budget,” revealed a spokesperson.

“For example, we are currently offering 1 litre cartons of pure orange juice for £1.19 or 2 for £2.50. You do the maths!”

“Six lemons would normally cost £1.97. We’re selling them for £1.59! That’s half price.”

Tesco profits

But angry customers remain unmoved by the promise of such bargains.

“Tesco sickens me to the very core of my existence,” blasted 41 year old Sandra Davies before insisting her local grocer charges a bit too much for her liking.

“If there was a cheaper supermarket closer to me then I wouldn’t hesitate to shop there instead.”

“Unfortunately, the next supermarket is an extra 2 mile journey, which effectively means I’m forced to shop at Tesco.”

“Damn those evil bastards!”

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