Tuesday 4 October 2011 by Spacey

Experts divided over what new iPhone 4S’ technical issues will be


Following the launch of Apple’s new iPhone 4S this evening, experts have already begun speculating on the scale and significance of the technical issues that will inevitably plague the new device in the coming months.

The new phone, which is sure to be welcomed by people who have no intention of becoming involved in a face to face conversation with a human being ever again, was launched by Tim Cook, now Apple’s full time boss following Steve Jobs’ retirement in August.

Expectations for faults in the iPhone 4S are high after the iPhone 4 was heralded as a major breakthrough in ‘grip avoidance’ technology, with many consumers reporting that the signal strength of the phone was reduced when holding it with their primitive ape-like hands.

Apple user Mike Matthews told us, “The anticipation is killing me.  Why couldn’t they just tell us what’s wrong with it right now so we don’t have to wait days for someone on the Internet to tell us?”

“I know it’s all part of the ‘Apple experience’, and there are lots of people who would be annoyed with the ‘spoilers’, but I could really do without all this waiting to find out what’s wrong with it to be honest.”

iPhone 4S faults

Expert opinion is divided over the scale of technical issues that will beset the smartphone, with Ben Wood, director of research at analysts CCS Insight predicting “We’re expecting flagship, high tier calamities that will cement the iPhone’s position as the leading will-break device.”

“In today’s market it’s simply not enough for a phone to just not make phone calls. Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if we’re talking about a fault that could physically harm you.”

“I’m talking electric shocks, spontaneous combustion of the new A5 chip, or maybe it will emit a high-pitched scream that will make all users deaf.”

“Of course, there’s always the possibility that the new Siri voice-command assistant will email your entire address book with those photos you took in the bathroom earlier.”

“Whatever happens, we’re expecting the all-new post-Jobs Apple organisation to really raise the bar in near-launch technical disappointments.”

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