Monday 3 October 2011 by @CJWorkmanNews

Football managers debate God’s refereeing decisions after shock ozone loss


Ozone Layer

The news of a record loss of the ozone over the Arctic this year has created a heated discussion among Premier League managers over God’s decision-making as the global warming argument has progressed.

Greenhouse effect fanatic, Everton’s David Moyes, was furious with the Almighty for spoiling the record-breaking hot October weather with a rash call which leaves a hole in Earth’s defence against ultraviolet-B rays.

Moyes fumed, “God has ruined our late summer with this inexplicable decision.”

“I can’t see what the ozone’s done wrong there. He’s overreacted and that’s really cost us.”

“At all other times since Creation He’s been spot-on about everything, but this time it’s affected me and I think He’s played this one like a blindfolded Martin Atkinson.”

“Following a review of the evidence, we’ve decided to appeal. Or at least ask that He bans Luis Suarez from football for life.”

Ozone loss reaction

Global warming denier Arsene Wenger presented a different version of events, coming out in support of God.

“Normally I would claim not to have seen the incident, but in the case of an alleged difference in the levels of ozone in the atmosphere, I think that should be self-evident,” he explained.

“By not intervening too often and allowing everything to flow, God makes it possible for all things to come together like one of Arsenal’s scientifically-proven passing moves.”

“Bill Kenwright not giving David Moyes any pocket money isn’t a sufficient reason to bring His integrity into question.”

“The decision was correct. That is clearer than a Rafael van der Vaart handball.”

Meanwhile, Steve McLaren has finally realised he doesn’t have a clue what’s going on and withdrawn from the debate entirely, to everyone’s intense relief.

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