Friday 30 September 2011 by Spacey

Motorway speed limit to rise to speed everyone does anyway


Transport Secretary Philip Hammond has revealed that the government is planning to increase the motorway speed limit to 80 mph, in a move which will see drivers allowed to travel at speeds they’re already doing right now.

With huge advances in safety and motoring technology meaning that high speed collisions result in motorists immediately being wrapped in a comfy duvet and given a mug of hot chocolate, the government has insisted that the current speed limit is out of date.

“Car safety is much better than it was when the 70 mph limit was put in place back in 1965,” said Mr Hammond.

“These days cars will simply extend their telescopic legs and go over any approaching vehicles.”

Speed limit increasing

News of the increase has also been welcomed by the sort of people who think that having a speed limit below the speed at which their car is capable of travelling is a fundamental breach of their human rights.

“Everyone knows that the faster a car goes the safer it becomes,” claimed BMW driver, Ralph Austin.

“If you are able to do an extra 10 miles an hour it means that you get to where you’re going quicker than you would do if you were going slower.”

“I don’t know if this will make things safer but, if I can go quicker I get there faster – which is good.”

Brian Mooney, of the Association of British Drivers, also welcomed being able to drive faster.

“Increasing the speed limit from 70 to 80 will allow people to travel at speeds of 90, which as any regular motorway user will tell you means travelling at speeds in excess of 100 mph – obviously.”

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