Wednesday 21 September 2011 by Waylandsmithy

Huhne promises to divert more energy to lip services


Energy secretary Chris Huhne has promised to think about using his powers to reform the lip service industry.

Speaking through his own lips, Huhne mouthed his way through the complaints of the majority of the public, and gave an absolute assurance that he’d write their concerns on a Post-it note, pop it in his diary, and practice his stern face.

“For too long now, I’ve had to put up with complaints from my constituents about monthly 35% increases in energy bills. Well, now is the time to appear to do something about it”, said Huhne.

“We’ve agreed a budget increase for lip services. Now when we pay them, they can make much more far-reaching, long-term promises.”

“And I’ve sent them a cheque already, so they can’t hold me to account.”

Huhne to improve lip service funding

Huhne’s completely inventive approach to the economics of truth received a warm welcome at the Lib Dem conference.

As Nick Clegg confirmed, “The electorate have a long list of issues that they want addressed. Rising unemployment, soaring energy costs, ready meals that aren’t quite big enough for two people.”

“We should echo these concerns, blame someone else, and promise to mention them again just after the next election.”

Clegg has confided to party supporters that he believes his party is in a unique position to make cooing noises to the public.

“As long as people hear us name an issue that they feel strongly about, they’ll feel reassured that we might to do something about it.”

“And who better to pretend to address these issues, than a party that pretends to have power?”

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