Tuesday 20 September 2011 by waylandsmithy

IKEA launches range of skeleton closets


Following revelations about their founder’s nazi past, IKEA is releasing a new range of skeleton closets.

85 year-old Ingvar Kamprad, founder of the Swedish furniture empire, is sure the new bone storage solutions will prove popular.

“They’re very discrete, you would never guess what’s inside”, explained Kamprad.

“There’s a range of sizes to hide any embarrassing aspects of your past, from old boxy televisions and video recorders, to membership of the Hitler Youth.”

The skeleton closets are supplied in a range of colours, from off-white to very pale yellow. “We pride ourselves on neat solutions, to make the most of your, how you say, ‘lebensraum’?”

“Look out for one of our shops with it’s distinctive logo: the blonde background really makes the blue name stand out, especially the ‘i’s.”

Ikea skeleton closets

Not everyone is happy with the quality of the new range.

“Ours wasn’t really up to the job”, complained a spokesman for the Vatican.

“When we’d finally finished filling it up, it leaned heavily to the right. Fortunately, we found a big, dusty book to prop it up but it’s still very shaky if you look at it closely.”

Others have complained that they’ve been accidentally supplied with a handle, and that the instructions are all too easy to follow.

“These are just teething problems”, said Kamprad. “Once we’ve ironed them out, we’ll soon introduce the range across Europe, starting with Poland and Austria.”

Critics say that the skeleton closets are poorly made, and that fitting them with glass doors and spotlights is a mistake.

“My prototype closet was a bit of disaster, quite a bit of dirt spilled from it”, sighed Kamprad.

“But I’ve offered the authorities an extra £1bn for charity, and they’ve agreed to sweep it under the carpet.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: