Monday 19 September 2011

Nation perfecting Somali accent


Somali pirates from Captain Phillips movie

National Talk Like a Pirate day has given the nation the perfect opportunity to practise a bit of casual racism under the guise of a witty topical joke.

With the eight millionth British citizen set to shortly make a joke about Somali pirates instead of putting on a west country accent, the nation is already suffering Somali pirate fatigue.

Shop owner Amir Patel told us, “I had this one guy come in this morning and tell me it was Talk Like a Pirate Day, before telling me with steely eyes that he wanted ‘$5 million or he’d kill my family’, but in the broadest West Indian accent you’ve ever heard.

“As I calmly explained to him, black people don’t all sound the same, you know.”

Businesses around the country are supporting the day, with many encouraging staff members to enter into the spirit things.

Office worker Sharon Williams told us, “Terry in HR thought it would be funny if we all dressed up for it.

“To be fair, the accounting department looks like a scene from the Pirates of Penzance.  Well, apart from Dave, who decided to black up and carry around a replica AK47 while shouting at everyone to do as he says and everyone will live.

“Yes, I’m pretty sure it’s a replica.

“You’ve got to admire his commitment. He’s now sitting in a dinghy in the car park shouting at passersby to get in the boat and that he is their captain now.

“No, there haven’t been any takers so far.”

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