Friday 16 September 2011 by Gary Stanton

Independent readers asked if they would prefer Littlejohn instead


Readers of the Independent were asked last night whether they preferred a journalist who has made some stupid mistakes or a journalist whose entire career has been one.

While Johann Hari attends a twelve-month ‘re-education programme’, the paper has offered to put serious investigative journalism on the back-burner in favour of some Littlejohn-style hate-pieces about foreigners, gays, single mothers, benefit claimants, and foreigners who may be gay and would probably set fire to your house before wanking off your Labrador.

While most Independent readers responded with an emphatic ‘No’, some admitted to a slight admiration for the creepy polemicist’s prose-style.

Sally Milton, a stockbroker from Dulwich, said, “Although I read the paper primarily for its excellent analysis of the global financial crisis, there are days when I just want to hear about how the head of the IMF’s brother is a nonce who lives in a £1m detached house at the taxpayers’ expense.”

Johan Hari’s time off

Meanwhile, Nigel Samson, a PE teacher from Henley-on-Thames, who is looking forward to the paper’s coverage of the London 2012 olympics, said, “I’ve long been impressed by the stunning performances of some of our paralympians, but I’ve recently begun to suspect that some of them are in it so that they can claim Disability Living Allowance.”

“It really makes my blood boil.”

Today it emerged that the Sony award-winning Littlejohn has already begun work on some preparatory articles including, ‘How kiddie fiddlers are pushing up your car insurance’ and ‘Christmas to be replaced by Sharia Law’.

Ms Milton added, “With Europe teetering on the brink of a financial precipice, I can scarcely wait to read Littlejohn’s ‘Why ring-fencing the banks won’t keep out the perverts’.

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