Thursday 15 September 2011

Banks adamant they will learn lesson of not learning any previous lessons


Investment banks have insisted that this time they will definitely learn the lesson of not learning any of their previous lessons after a rogue trader at UBS lost $2bn dollars on an unauthorised trade.

Currency trader Kweku Adoboli, believed to work in the European equities division, was arrested after he was found to have done that thing that someone did before when they lost all of that money.

A spokesperson for UBS said, “We are definitely going to learn this lesson about not learning the previous lessons about allowing rogue traders to do whatever they want.”

“From now on our primary focus will be on learning these new lessons, and not making billions and billions by gambling and trading in things that don’t actually exist.”

“Though, to be clear, we’re not yet ruling out the possibility that the lesson to be learned here is that not learning all of the previous lessons isn’t all that costly at the end of the day.”

UBS rogue trader

Experts are predicting a period of soul-searching throughout the investment banking community, right up until the industry comes up with a new incredibly risky way to manufacture money out of thin air which they can focus their attention on.

Office worker Simon Matthews said, “Why don’t we try a different approach this time, and punch this new lesson right into their smug billionaire faces?”

“They might still not learn it, but we as a nation would feel a whole lot better about it, wouldn’t we?”

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