A Tesco sausage has used its eyeball and snout to express its dismay at an Advertising Standards Authority ruling against Tesco sausage packaging which showed pigs walking round a farm.
The ASA said the packaging could prove misleading to consumers, prompting an angry backlash from the most expressive sausages in Tesco’s range.
As one Butcher’s Choice pork sausage told us, “Am I not a pig eye? Is this not a pig snout? Here on the other side of me is part of a pig arsehole. Should we not be allowed to use pictures of pigs?”
“These features are as much a part of the pig as bacon and pork chops, it’s just that the actual meat is used elsewhere.”
“We’re still extremely close to these actual meat products though, just a few inches away in the case of the arsehole.”
A Tesco value sausage agreed, claiming it was discrimination of the highest order.
“Just because I am nothing but minced pig intestine in a synthetic sheath shouldn’t mean you can’t show a happy pig on the front of the packet. But no, I get blue and white stripes. It’s so unfair.”
A Tesco spokesperson explained that they are considering an appeal, before telling us, “You can get a scientist to run tests if you like, I’d bet real cash money that those sausages definitely contain pig bits.”
“You just have to look at the eyelashes on that one sausage winking at you right there – everyone knows you only get eyelashes like that on pigs.”