Tuesday 13 September 2011 by Gary Stanton

Osborne thought GDP meant Great Drugs Party, claims escort


The Chancellor of the Exchequer, ‘Boy’ George Osborne, faced fresh allegations of drug use this morning from escort Natalie Rowe, from whose arse he snorted cocaine, it has emerged.

Rumours about the Chancellor’s coke habit resurfaced last month when he gave a garbled five hour speech to a meeting of influential business leaders in which he restated the need for deep lasting cuts and larger toilet cubicles.

Despite his repeated denials about his fondness for toot, Osborne’s Downing Street staff became concerned when he announced he would break with tradition by replacing the large oak writing desk with a glass coffee table from Ikea.

And residents of the famous terrace were alarmed when a sniffer dog on routine bomb patrol broke free from its leash and spent the night outside Number 11, where it barked constantly and scratched at the door.

Police later discovered that the traditional red brief case which the Chancellor brandishes on budget day had been fitted with a false bottom, although no drugs were found during the search.

Osborne Coke row

Earlier Rowe recalled how, during one of her legendary drug parties in the nineties, Osborne, who she fondly refers to as ‘The Hoover’, gave revellers a demonstration of fiscal prudence by snorting Charlie with a rolled-up ten pound note instead of a twenty.

Last night Downing Street issued a further denial and played down rumours that Osborne used his parliamentary expenses to have his septum rebuilt.

But Rowe says the Chancellor should not be ashamed of his love affair with freebasing the ching.

“He used to line up two bowls side by side filled to the brim with the finest Colombian marching powder, “ she said.

“He called it The Double Dip.”

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